“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown

Braving Authenticity

Embracing the Journey

When Hardship Feels Like Punishment

There is something deeply human about the way we all interpret pain.

When hardship comes—unexpected loss, relational strain, disappointment, or seasons that feel unbearably heavy—my instinct is often to ask: “What did I do wrong?” I search for cause and effect. I assume consequence. Somewhere deep within me, I connect suffering with punishment.

It’s not because I am weak. It’s because I am wired for meaning.

Why I Tend to See Hardship as Punitive

For most of my life, I learned a simple pattern:
good behavior brings reward, and wrong behavior brings consequences.

So when life hurts, I unconsciously apply that same logic to God.

  • If something is wrong, I must have caused it.
  • If I’m suffering, God must be displeased with me.
  • If things aren’t working out, I must be getting what I deserve.

If I’m honest, this mindset has given me a strange sense of control. If hardship is punishment, then maybe I can fix it—be better, try harder, get it right next time.

But over this last year, that way of thinking began to unravel.

What This Past Year Has Taught Me

This past year has not been neat or predictable. It has been marked by deep change, loss, growth, and moments where I felt both incredibly strong and unexpectedly undone.

I have had moments where I:

  • set healthy boundaries… and then second-guessed myself
  • chose growth… and then slipped back into old patterns
  • felt clarity… and then wrestled with confusion again

And in those moments, that old question would surface:
“Is this happening because I did something wrong?”

But slowly, gently, God has been reshaping that narrative in me.

A Shift in Perspective: From Punishment to Formation

I am beginning to see that my hardship is not God punishing me—it is God forming me.

Instead of pushing me away, He has been drawing me deeper.
Instead of condemning me, He has been strengthening me.
Instead of reacting to me, He has been patiently transforming me.

This year has revealed things in me I didn’t fully see before:

  • where I was still seeking approval
  • where I struggled to hold boundaries
  • where fear still had a voice

Not to shame me—but to heal and grow me.

Learning to Trust God’s Heart

There have been many moments this year where I have not understood what God was doing.

I’ve wanted clarity. Direction. Resolution.

But what He has been giving me instead is something deeper:
a clearer understanding of His heart.

I am learning—slowly, imperfectly—that:

  • God is still good, even when my circumstances are not
  • God is still near, even when I feel alone
  • God is still working, even when I cannot see it
  • God is still faithful, even when I feel uncertain

Trust, for me, has stopped being about having answers.
It is becoming about knowing who He is.

What I Am Beginning to See

When I look back over this past year, I don’t just see loss or difficulty.

I see:

  • strength I didn’t know I had
  • courage to make hard decisions
  • growth in choosing myself in healthy ways
  • a deeper awareness of God’s presence in quiet moments

I see that God’s plan for me has not been about making life easier.

It has been about making me stronger, freer, and more whole.

A Better Definition of “Good”

I used to think God’s goodness meant things would work out the way I hoped.

Now I am learning:

God’s goodness means He is with me, shaping me, and loving me—even when life doesn’t go as planned.

A better plan is not always easier.
But it is always more meaningful, more refining, and more lasting.

Where I Am Now

I am still in process.

There are still days when I feel unsure.
Still moments when I question.
Still places where I am learning to trust.

But I am no longer convinced that hardship means punishment.

Instead, I am beginning to ask a different question:

“What is God forming in me through this?”

A Truth I Am Holding Onto

I am not being managed.
I am being loved.

I am not being punished.
I am being formed.

And even here—in the middle of growth that feels messy and inconsistent—

God’s goodness has not left me.
His plan has not failed me.
And my story is still being written with purpose.

debbiefelzien

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