I confess that forgiveness—both seeking it and accepting it—is a battle I have yet to win. I have steeped myself in the wounding, anchored myself in the memory of the offense, and in doing so, I have allowed pain to take up residence in my heart. I have held on so tightly to the hurt that I have, at times, lost sight of healing.

The burden of unforgiveness weighs heavily on me, binding me to the past and limiting my ability to move forward. It has shaped my relationships in ways I wish it had not, creating distance where there could be closeness, hesitation where there could be trust, and walls where there should be doors. I see the toll it has taken—not just on myself, but on those who love me. And yet, I struggle to let go.

I want to be free from this weight. I want to walk in grace, both giving and receiving it. I want to loosen my grip on the pain and, instead, hold onto the hope of restoration. But I need strength to take that first step—the step toward surrender, toward healing, toward love unhindered by the past.

This week, I experienced forgiveness through a metaphor. Forgiveness is a transaction the flows between two parties through a pipe having three valves. all three must be open for forgiveness to move from one person to another. The first value is controlled by the the offender. It starts with a genuine repentance and a request for forgiveness.

The other two valves are controlled by the one who have been offended. Valve two is a mercy value. It releases the person who committed the offense from suffering the punishment for their offense. It shuts off the flow of bitterness by opening the flow of love.

Opening the third value requires a huge amount of graciousness from the one who has been offended. It requires the willingness to absorb the cost of the offense. This defies our core human desire to stand in justice for the pain that was incurred. In these moments, we forget that we have been completely forgiven by God for all of our shortcomings and sinful choices. We are called to completely, forthrightly and permanently forgive and release our offender from their liability. This is a HUGE ask that I need to embrace conceptually and then move into practice. I am still back at the rudimentary level of turning value #1.

True repentance acknowledges the pain I have caused, and true forgiveness acknowledges the pain I have endured. When both occur, relationships that seemed irreparably broken can begin to mend. Even if reconciliation is not always possible, my heart is freed from the bondage of past wounds.

Unforgiveness breeds more pain—it hardens hearts, fuels division, and keeps wounds open. But when I choose repentance and forgiveness, I disrupt that cycle. I become an agent of healing instead of a carrier of hurt.

God, help me. Help me release what I have carried for too long. Help me to embrace forgiveness as the gift You intend it to be. I long to heal, to mend, to move beyond the wounds that have defined too much of my story. May Your grace and mercy teach me how.