This new year has been a season of conversation swirling around the collapse of trust. Trust is that gentle whisper of assurance that allows us to open ourselves to one another, knowing that we will be embraced with understanding and belonging.

In tandem with trust is the development of safety. Safety is that warm embrace of protection that affirms that we are in a safe place where our guard can be down and we can be the most authentic version of ourselves without fear of judgement or harm. It is the refuge we seek in times of uncertainty.

These elements form the cornerstone of most meaningful connections. These connections are the essence of what it means to truly love and be loved in return. Trust and security provide the necessary framework for mutual understanding, growth and intimacy.

Without trust, communication breaks down, people become guarded and safety is lost. When people feel safe, they are more likely to communicate openly, resolve conflicts constructively and support one another more faithfully during life challenges. Safety in relationship encourages vulnerability and fosters empathy, strengthening the bond between people.

I am truly learning how lengthy it can be to develop trust and how swiftly it can collapse. I am witnessing this in my vicinity. It can be as ruthless as betrayal and as innocent as dishonesty, inconsistent behavior, or a single act of deceit. A pattern of broken promises can erode trust over time. The rebuilding process can be more challenging than the initial build as emotional and physical safety has been compromised.

The real lesson for me this season has been how a person defines their trust and safety level is not standardized. These core values are totally subjective. The determination of the level of restoration remains solely with the person who trust and safety was compromised. It never should be assessed by the one who intentionally, or inadvertedly, corroded trust.

I am watching our society shame the those who have been wounded by the disintegration of trust. There is a call to heal and forgive at an expedited pace. I hear things like “it’s not that big of a deal” or “you just need to get over it” or even “just move on.” None of these offerings give credence to the idea that every party in a relationship attaches their own weights and measurements to the magnitude of their trust and the devastating effect of their wounds when trust and safety are compromised.

I am gaining insight into the absolute sacredness of trust and safety. What do I mean by this? Trust forms the bedrock of human connection. It’s the place where vulnerability and intimacy flourish. Vulnerability fosters deeper emotional connections and strengthens the bonds between people, leading to a greater sense of closeness and understanding. It signifies the belief in each other integrity, reliability and intentions which lays the groundwork for mutual support, cooperation and empathy. Trust contributes to the emotional well-being by fostering feelings of acceptance, validation and belonging. It is a sacred gift that must be nurtured and protected.

When someone simply tells you to trust them without taking any meaningful actions to earn that trust, it is problematic. Trust is something that must be earned through consistent actions and behaviors over time. Without addressing concerns or doubts, there is a feeling of dismissiveness or invalidation. It ignores the underlying reasons for the lack of trust and fails to acknowledge the impact of past experiences or behaviors on the relationship. It’s crucial for individuals to back up their words with consistent actions that demonstrate integrity, reliability, and honesty. Trust is earned through genuine effort, transparency, and accountability, not through empty assurances or demands.

I question why we so often put the responsibility on the wounded individual? My guess is that some individuals seek validation/affirmation of their worthiness by urging others in the expedited process of trust re-engagement. It can also be a means to establish dominance or influence. It may be to avoid the painstaking idea of vulnerablity or a self-instited vision of safety or certainty. More often than not, we fall pray to social expectations regarding interpersonal relationships and the pressure to prioritize trust and loyalty above all else.

Allowing time and space for the rebuilding of trust is crucial. It is a gradual process that takes time, effort, processing, and healing. Allowing those who are wounded to have the time they need provides opportunities for accurate evaluation of the repair process. Knowing when trust is fully rebuilt in a relationship is a complex and subjective process dependent upon the unique dynamics and circumstances of the parties in the relationship. With every sincere apology and every consistent action, trust can be rebuilt brick by brick.

“Trust is the sacred currency of relationships, its value measured not in gold or silver but in the depth of connection and the purity of intention.”