Started my day listening to a sermon on the power of anger in relationships. I have viewed anger as a destructive and negative emotion that is often difficult to control or suppress. I was challenged today to consider anger in a more positive light as an agent of change. The sermon actually suggested that anger can fuel problem solving efforts which can be wonderfully beneficial in the workplace. Anger can push us to think creatively and strategically. It can also serve as a catalyst for personal growth.

When we examine the source of our anger and work through it constructively, it can yield a higher level of self awareness and self improvement. Acknowledging and admitting to our anger is good. Steeping in it and ignoring it, in ourselves and others, breeds long-term resentment.

Creating safe spaces to share anger in relationships is not only beneficial but crucial. It is in these comfortable areas that we manage and express our anger in healthy ways. The alternative is uncontrolled anger/aggression that leads to further conflict. Choosing to not acknowledge your own anger or the anger of others, allows anger to take root and initiates the beginning of a destructive path.

How can we give anger “air time?” We can engage in open and honest communication allowing others to provide us with constructive feedback and be willing to steer into the source of our own anger. When we repress anger, consequences compound. In addition to a brooding deep anger, we add physical and mental health problems, sleep disorders, warped perceptions and use negative copying mechanisms to allow us to stuff the anger,

Reconciling my anger starts with acknowledging my feelings. I need to embrace the idea that it’s okay to be angry. It is a place that I will visit from time to time. I should be worried when my anger wants to set up camp. Unreconciled anger is a lingering and persistent emotion that nibbles away at my thoughts, feelings, perspective and behaviors. Left unattended, it clouds my judgement and warps my decision making. I am often left to ruminate on these unreconciled feelings and replay and dwell on the source of anger until it becomes my lens and filter and everything I experience affirms my hurt.

Practice forgiveness and reconciliation. Reconciliation is a subjective process that requires being patient with the time you need to process through your emotions and extending that same privilege to others who are working through their anger.

The power of an apology should not be underestimated. The power of an apology lies in its ability to mend the relationship, promote forgiveness, encourage trust and intimacy, and facilitate emotional healing.

“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not easy.” — Aristotle